All Of My Never's Last Forever
by Funny-Luv200
Summary: A little bit after New Moon....when Edward left Bella. Bella thought she still loved Edward, only to faintly realize she might have just moved on. Song-fic & One-Shot


**A/N: Hey everyone! I was picking up my younger sister, from high school and this song (Never Again by Kelly Clarkson) was on the radio, which is how I got the idea in the first place. I **_love_** how well Edward and Bella go together, but I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if Bella had moved on and forgotten about him. **

**Story: All Of My Never's Last Forever**

**Pairing: Bella/Edward (sort of)**

**POV: Bella's**

**And of course, I don't own Twilight or the song :Never Again' by Kelly Clarkson.**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

My window was wide open, letting the sunshine wash all over my room. Turning on my side, and away from the sun I closed my eyes again. Today was Sunday so I had no rush to go anywhere, considering that Charlie left to fish earlier. Lying there for another few minutes, I allowed my mind to drift off which is new, since I never let myself daydream or get distracted. I knew I couldn't afford it, because if I did I'll be reminded my _him. _

Edward Anthony Cullen.

I never knew that the most person I ever loved, my life, the other part of me, wouldn't want me. Would just leave me. A nightmare, like sinking into hell and it's despair. I wish I had at least seen it coming, I mean I knew something was wrong, but nothing like this. Never.

I gathered my thoughts and chanted his name over and over as I got up slowly, from my bed. I was aware of my messy hair and my tank top sliding off my right shoulder but I didn't care: no one was in the house.

My feet slowly hit the hard wood of the stairs as I moved towards the kitchen. Digging through the cupboards since I was too lazy to actually cook something, I fixed myself a bowl of Cheerios. As I poured the milk I herd a small 'thud' and trying to figure what it was, I turned and the milk spilled into the counter.

"Ugh." I groaned and fished for the kitchen rag, thankful for Charlie who had come up with the idea. Cleaning up my mess I heard the 'thud' again. Forgetting my "breakfast" for a few minutes I made my way to the front door and pressed my ear against it. The 'thud' was coming form outside. I walked toward the front window and peeked out, careful not to attract attention. On my neighbor's front lawn I saw a small trampoline. Three girls and one small boy were jumping up and down quite fast, enforcing pressure on the trampoline which caused it to hit the ground, making that small "thud' sound.

I sighed in relief and went back to my Cheerios which had gotten soggy and gross. Ignoring the taste, I kept on eating, looking out into space. Edward. I never figured out why he left me. For Tanya? Maybe because I wasn't good enough. Or he never loved me. Or he wanted to live with someone he could actually kiss? Never. I was starting to hate that word. Didn't he say that he would _never_ leave me? And now, he did leave. Forever. But I did love him. Love or _Loved_? I was annoyed with myself: why couldn't I tell whether I still cared about him or not? Doing the math quickly I realized it has been 9 months since he has left. Nine long months. How have I survived? Jacob was there, sure but still things haven't been the same since. He knew I still loved him and that ended hurting him. And now to my own stupidity, I lost both of them. Jacob didn't want to get hurt, and he kept his distance, for a while. I still got call from him every three to fives times a day. I smiled...I still remembered.

I was putting my bowl in the sink to wash it later when I heard a loud blast of music invade my house. I didn't need to even think about it, I knew it was those kids next door. Trying to ignore the sound I climbed up the stairs to get dressed. There were twelve long stair steps.

**I wished Edward had stayed with me. **Eleven steps to go.

**I wished I could have seen it coming, maybe I could've been better...anything. **Ten now.

**I wish Tanya didn't like Edward....though that wasn't fair, I might still have a chance. **Nine more to climb.

**I wish I had been more careful opening my gifts, then I wouldn't have gotten that stupid paper cut. **Eight more to go.

**I wish Alice or Esme, heck, even Rosalie would come and visit me. Please. **Seven more.

**I wish Edward would come back. **Six more until I make it.

**I wish I knew whether he ever thought of me like I think of him...does he regret his decision? **Five.

**I wish I was a vampire...I'll be better for him. **Four.

**I wish he still loved me. **Three.

**I wish he'll come back. **Two.

**I wish he'll come back. **One.

**I wish....you'll come back to me Edward...so I can show you what you have done to me. **

Standing at the entrance to the hall, leading to my room, I froze. Did I just think that? Did I wish he'll come back to me so I'll show him how messed up he had made me? Was that really the real reason? Is that why I want him back? To show him how he broke, ripped and killed his lamb?

_I hope the ring you gave her_

_Turns her finger green_

_I hope when you're in bed with her_

_You think of me_

I snapped my head to the right, hearing the music from the kids next door. Running to my room, I shut the door so hard that some of my books and things fell form my wardrobe. Throwing myself into my bed I tried to drown out the song....the lyrics....

_I would never wish bad things but I don't wish you well_

_Could you tell_

_By the flames that burned your words_

I buried my face into my pillow and screamed.

_Does it hurt_ _To know I'll never be there_ _Bet it sucks_ _To see my face everywhere_ _It was you_ _Who chose to end it like you did_ _I was the last to know_ _You knew_ _Exactly what you would do_ _And don't say_ _You simply lost your way_ _She may believe you_ _But I never will_ _Never again_

Was I going crazy? No...the truth was out. The truth was out and that it what hurt....that's what burns my heart, makes it bleed into eternal flames....

I turned around on my back and faced the ceiling....did I want Edward to feel pain?

_If she really knows the truth she deserves you_ _A trophy wife oh, how cute_ _Ignorance is bliss_ _But when your day comes and he's through with you_ _And he'll be through with you _ _You'll die together but alone_

I thought of Tanya as my ceiling fan spun round and round. The colors merged together into a big non understandable color that I had to look away or get dizzy. My vision began to blurred, and then it was when I really couldn't see anything that I realized I was crying.

_You wrote me in a letter_ _You couldn't say it right to my face_ _Give me that Sunday school answer_ _Repent yourself away_

Soft tears flowing down my cheeks...silent ears that were quiet on the outside but burning and raging on the inside.

_Does it hurt_ _To know I'll never be there_ _Bet it sucks_ _To see my face everywhere_ _It was you_ _Who chose to end it like you did_ _I was the last to know_ _You knew_ _Exactly what you would do_ _And don't say_ _You simply lost your way_ _They may believe you_ _But I never will_ _Never again_

Forcing myself to get up, not letting to myself to give up like I usually do, I made my way downstairs. I ran down the hall and past the kitchen. Running too fast I tripped over something...probably my or Charlie's shoes.

I crashed to the floor and let the tears come again. This time they were more like sobs.

_Never again will I hear you_ _Never again will I miss you_ _Never again will I fall to you_ _Never..._ _Never again will I kiss you_ _Never again will I want to_ _Never again will I love you_ _Never!_

Getting up, and forgetting my pain in my left leg from my fall I opened the front door. I was still in my pink pajama bottom and my black tank top. Slowly, trying to regain my composure I made my way to the kids. I wanted to "gently" tell them to turn down the music...please.

_Does it hurt_ _To know I'll never be there_ _Bet it sucks_ _To see my face everywhere_ _It was you_ _Who chose to end it like you did_ _I was the last to know_ _You knew_ _Exactly what you would do_ _And don't say_ _You simply lost your way_ _They may believe you_ _But I never will_ _I never will_ _I never will_ _Never again_

_Never again will I hear you_ _Never again will I miss you_ _Never again will I fall to you_ _Never..._ _Never again will I kiss you_ _Never again will I want to_ _Never again will I love you_ _Never!_

"Never." I whispered as I continued to walk.

When I was finally standing right there...in front of them, I realized the song was coming to an end. Slowly the last chords were strung, the last words were sung and it was over. I stood there, unsure of my next move. I was in my pajamas and I had tear-stained cheeks. Now what?

The kids had stopped jumping and were looking at me. Smiling and shaking my head I slowly turned, and walked back home. What I saw made me freeze. Made me want to throw up and scream.

To cry.

To scream.

Right there, in front of my house..there was a silver Volvo.

A Silver Volvo.

"Never's don't last forever, love." Edward said, he was standing against his car looking at me.

Never's don't last forever.

For me they do. They did.

He's

He's back

He's back......

Edward Anthony Cullen.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**So....did you guys like it? **

**-FunnyLuv-200**


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